I've Been Away...

It's been a while since I made a post about anything "spiritual" or remotely interesting.

I blame that on the lockdown, and the vastly different tier restrictions we endured. It was hard to find focus and if anything, I found it extremely difficult to focus on my "Spiritual Journey" because nothing was predictable, nothing was known, and everything can could change at any moment. in some aspects, you'd expect that it would be the perfect time to learn about life. Because after all, life is predictable, able to change at any moment, nothing is certain and ultimately nothing is known. But, there was something about the consistent chop and change that reminded me somewhat of being inside a washing machine. Just when you thought young were getting comfortable and were coming to terms with the new restrictions there would be a huge plot twist and change of direction.

That was the physical and emotional sense of it all. It was quite a hard and confusing time for many. However, although I say I found it hard to focus on my spirituality during this time. I feel like this was also a time that a lot of subconscious growth occurred.

As right now. I'm writing this from my flat. A flat which would never have even been as passing thought this time last year. So, I can thank Lockdown for that.

Of course, I had a plan to move out, eventually. But at the same time, it wasn't something that last year, was front of mind. I had other plans, like a lot of us did. But, I somehow found that, the environment I had grown to be comfortable in, the environment that was damaging to my mental health and had been for almost all of my life was now, too much to handle.

Things got tense in lockdown and I developed a deeper understanding of exactly what "Narcissistic Parents" are and how they work. Particularly in regards to the women in my family. Funnily enough, I had never encountered the word "Narcissism" or a "Narcissistic" person before, but it was kind of interesting how, once I had an understanding and awareness of what one was, I noticed others that stuck out like a sore thumb.

I suppose after all, you can't know what you don't know and you can't be aware of something you're unaware of. The whole point of this blog right?

So, lockdown in that sense did help me grow. it helped me identify some toxic behaviours and people that I needed to cut out of my life because they were poisonous. There were also various different jobs, which occurred through lockdown. One where I met an old college class mate from when we were 17/18 (we both got hired), and having a breath catch up chat about how we unconsciously went to the same Master's University. Despite not, knowing or seeing each other. Also, sharing our thoughts on just modern day issues, was so refreshing with someone body of the same age category and mindset after months of lockdown and being surrounded by some old traditional views.

I met a lot of new people at all of the new jobs I had last year, that was something I was comfortable with. The new people coming and going, something about that suited me. It probably felt familiar, I remember talking about trust issues with that classmate and how I am able to readily adjust and deal with temporary people and new, constant friendships much better than deep friendships with meaningful connections.

Yeah. I know. Something to work on, huh?

Anyway, that being said, there have been an abundance of coincidences too. Like this new job I'm starting.

2017 or there about. Planning to head to New Zealand alone, opt into a Barista course. Barista Course did not take place. Decide it must not be for me.

2019. Get an interview for Starbucks. Day comes. Car won't start. Misses said Interview. Decides once again, it must not be for me.

January 2020. Gets an interview at a highly reputable coffee shop in a nearby village on the outskirts. Attends interview. Doesn't hear back. Decides once again, coffee must not be for me.

September 2020. Gets an interview for a Highly reputable Coffee and Waffle/Crepe shop. The manager happens to be friends with a London Creative Director. Interesting. Makes it through first initial interview, and training shifts. Lockdown 2 occurs. January 2021, first time meeting the team. My manager, new guy. Started in Sept, hired immediately. Previous manager coffee shop experience despite being quite young. Where did he work you ask? The coffee shop I interviewed for in January... 2020. And also past experience at Starbucks (unsure if it was the one I applied for though).

Now, what truly is a coincidence? Google says "a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection."

There's something to be learned here, maybe its the fact I find out what it's like to have a jerk of a manager or maybe it's what is like to have a really passionate, enthusiastic, shared interest and goals manager who just wants to see everybody do well and work to the best of their ability?

Anyway, jump forward go my new flatmate. Middle of a break up, just moving out. Talks to me about taking ayahuasca in South America and finding out her and her (recent) ex have a past life connection which makes it harder for her to let go. Straight away, a connection again with someone who seems to be on the same life path as me. Someone with the same understanding and awareness that something much bigger than ourselves is going on. Coincidence also, she was from Portugal, and the country I last visited before 2020 Lockdown and I nearly got stuck in.... was Portugal.

So, overall, sure a lot of batshit crazy stuff has been happening, which some people may look at and think I'm part of some New Age Hippie group or something. But no, I'm just curious, and seeking for ways to use my new found awareness.

But now this is a new chapter in my life. Something different, vastly different from the travel plans I was anticipating last summer. This chapter is one where, I have a flat, I cut off toxic people and slowly but surely, page by page, I'm discovering the story of my life.

Peace and Love

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